Kurt Hummel's Day Off
by Hummelberryshipper99
Summary: Story from Ferris Buellers day off. Kurt Hummel ditches school with rachel and blaine. relationship Hummelberry. Klaineberry friendship. Klaine friendship.
1. Chapter 1

**I got this idea when I was watching ferris buellers day off. Kurt is Ferris. Blaine is Cameron and Rachel is Sloan. I do not own Ferris buellers day off or the glee characters **

* * *

Kurt is staring lifelessly at nothing. his eyes bugged out, mouth open. he's laying on his bed, on his side.

Kurt's parents, burt and Carole Hummel, are standing at his bedside. theyre dressed for work.

''kurt?'' burt asks.

''he doesnt have a fever. but he says his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots.'' Carole says, worried. his lifeless eyes blink.

burt bends down and touches Kurt's forehead.

''whats the matter, Kurt?'' burt asks again.

''feel his hands. they're cold and clammy.'' Carole said.

burt takes one of kurts hands. ''should you call the doctor?'' burt asks Carole, whispering.

Carole whispers back, ''he doesn't want me to.''

''why don't you want mom to call the doctor?'' he asks Kurt.

Kurt exhales loudly. he tries to speak but all he can manage is a choked gasp.

''what?'' burt asks again.

Kurt tries again. '' don't make a fuss. I'm fine. i'll get up.'' he starts to get up but Carole gently pushes him back down.

''i have a test today. I have to take it if I want to get into a good college so i can have a fruitful life...''

''you're not going to school like this.'' Carole tells him. ''maybe I should call the office and tell them i wont be in.'' she tells burt.

''im okay, mom. i feel perfectly ... oh, god!'' he fakes a seizure. his body stiffens and he chokes. his older brother, finn, walks into the room. he's dressed for school.

''oh, fine. whats this? whats his problem?'' finn asks, insensitive.

''yeah, right. dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn.'' finn says back.

''thats enough, finn.'' burt tries.

''you're not falling for this, are you? tell me you're not falling for this.'' finn said.

''is that Finn? I can't see that far. Finn?'' Kurt said.

''pucker up and squat, kurt'' finn retorts.

''thank you, Finn. get to school.'' says Carole, annoyed.

''youre really letting him stay home? I cant believe this. if I was bleeding out my eyes, you guy's would make me go to school. it's so unfair.''

''please dont be upset with me, Finn. be thankful that you're fit and have you're health. cherish it.'' Kurt says, faking tiredness.

''oh, i wanna puke.'' Finn says to himself. he glares at Kurt and slips out of the room. Kurt's brother, sam and his sister, Quinn, walk peek in.

''myocardial infarction?'' Quinn asks.

''get your stuff. daddy'll be right down.'' Carole says to her.

''syphilitic meningitis? that would be a huge family embarrassment.'' Quinn says, matter of factly.

''get downstairs!'' burt says.

''if he dies, i got dibs on his stereo.'' Quinn says, turning sharply and leaves.

''dad? does my head look all right?'' sam said, worried.

''get downstairs! now!'' Carole yells.

''just answer me one question! is it swelling up? Quinn said it was going to get as big as...'' sam forgets.

'' A WATERMELON!'' Quinn supply.

''shut up!'' sam yells out the door.

''get downstairs! NOW!'' Carole yells. Sam backs out of the room.

''I'll be okay. I'll just sleep. maybe i'll have an aspirin around noon.'' Kurt said.

''i'm showing houses to the family from California today but I'll be in the area. my office's know where i am, if you need me.'' Carole says to kurt.

''i'll check in with you too'' burt said.

''it's nice to know have such loving, caring parents. you're both very special people.'' Kurt says. he acknowledges burt with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids.

Carole strokes Kurt's hair. ''i hope you feel better, pumpkin.'' she says. she leaned in and kisses his forehead. burt pats his shoulder.

''get some rest.'' burt said.

Kurt lets out a wheeze. his glassy eyes follow his parents to the door.

''we love you, sweetie.'' Carole said.

''call if you need us.'' burt said, they closed the door behind them as they walked out. the lock clicks. Kurt's eyes shift from the door to the window. a sly, little smile crawls across his lips.


	2. Chapter 2

** here's chapter two! see, when I saw this movie again a few weeks ago, it just struck me that Kurt and ferris are a lot alike like their haircut and stuff. just make Kurt straight and a little personality change and you got ferris bueller! well, enjoy!**

* * *

''they bought it.'' he says to the camera. he flips on the tv to find MTV is on. Kurt Yanks open the drapes. the pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight.

''incredible! one of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.'' Kurt says to the camera as he looks out the window.

''what a beautiful day!'' he says. he turns from the window.

''parents always fall for the clammy hands. its physical evidence of illness. it's a good, non-specific symptom. parents are generally pretty hip to the fever scams. and to make them work you have to go a hundred and one, hundred and two. you get a nervous mother and you end up in a doctors office, and that's worse than school.''

he flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV broadcast. a new song begins.

''fake a stomach cramp and when you're doubled over, moaning and wailing, just lick your 's a little stupid and childish but then so is high school. right?'' he turns up the sound a little.

''this is my ninth sick day this semester. if i go for ten, im probably going to have to barf up a lung. so, i absolutely must make this one count.'' he exits to the hallway.

Kurt walks into the bathroom. it's littered with clothes. he turns on the shower water.

''i dont care if you're fifty-five or seven, everybody needs a day off now and then. it's a beautiful day. how can i be expected to handle high school?''

he bends out of frame as he loses his briefs. he pops up.

''I do actually have a test. that wasnt bullshit.'' he steps into the shower. ''that i care about it was.''

inside the shower. kurts' hair is standing straight up and molded into a fin with shampoo.

''its on european socialism. i mean, really. whats the point? im not european. I don't plan to be european. so, who gives a shit if they're socialists? they could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that i don't have a car.''

he turns the shower head around and uses it like a microphone. ''_well, shake it up, baby. twist and shout!..'' _he sings into it.

after the shower, he comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. he's drying his hair with another.

''Not that I condone fascism. Or and "isms"."Isms", in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an "ism".  
he should believe in himself. john Lennon said it on his first solo album. 'i dont believe in beatles, i just believe in me.' a good point there. after all, he was the walrus.''

He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it.

''I could be the Walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off people.'' he said  
he goes into his room.

''I'm not very political? Let me put that into perspective...'' he tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed.

''My uncle went to Canada to protest the war, right? On the Fourth of July he was down with my aunt and he  
got drunk and told my Dad he felt guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. So I said, "What's the deal, Uncle Jeff? In wartime you want to be a  
pacifist and in peacetime you want to be a soldier. It took you twenty years to find out you don't believe in anything?"  
(snaps his fingers)  
''Grounded. Just like that. Two weeks.''  
(pause)  
''Be careful when you deal with old hippies. They can be real touchy.''

He opens his door.

The door opens and Kurt rifles through his shirts.

''My mother was a hippie. But she lost it. She got old. If she listens to the White Album now? She doesn't hear music, she hears memories. Nostalgia is her favorite drug. It'll probably be mine, too. I hope not.''

He finds a shirt he likes. He steps back from the closet and  
puts it on. He drops the towel. He walks across the room to his dresser. He opens his underwear drawer. There's an old model of a submarine on the top of the dresser. He picks it up.

''In eighth grade a friend of mine made a bong out of one of smoke tasted like glue.'' He pulls out a pair of underwear. He gets dressed as he speaks.

''His name is Garth Volbeck. He's a serious outsider. Not a bad guy, I like him. I'm probably his only friend.I do what I can for him. I mean, if I was him, I'd appreciate it. Do unto others, right? anyway, His father's dead and his sister's rumored to be a prostitute, which is complete only puts out so people will hang out with her. It's sad but I don't hold it against her. Better to hold it against the guys who use her and don't care about her.''

(pause)

''My parents never allowed Garth over here. It was because of his family. Mainly his older brother. He's in jail. I could see them not wanting his brother here because he is a registered psycho. I wouldn't want him here.I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of artificial fruit just so he could see what it was like to have his stomach pumped. But Garth isn't his brother. It isn't his fault his brothers a crazy person. a major fight with the parents on that point. I always felt for garth. i was sleeping over there one night. and I was laying on the dark worrying that his brother was going to come in and hack me to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying.i asked him what was wrong and he said, "Nothing". ... Nothing was wrong. There was no specific thing he was crying about. In fact, he wasn't really even aware that he was crying. He just cried himself to sleep every night. It was a habit. The guys so conditioned to grief that if he doesn't feel it, he can't sleep. how could you possibly dump on a guy who has to deal with that kind of shit? my parents acknowledge the trudge of the situation and I'm sure that deep down, they do feel  
for him but still the guy's banned from our house.''

He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet door. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He continues his speech as he disrobes.

''Unfortunately, now my parents have a legit argument. Garth doesn't need his brother to give him a rep anymore. he's getting one of his own. he's lost. it's over for him. He's eighteen. Gone from school. Gone from life. His legacy is a gas station.''

Kurt comes down the stairs. He's wearing a completely different outfit.

''One very serious danger in playing sick is that it's possible to believe your own act.'' Kurt comes into the kitchen and crosses to the refrigerator.

''That and boredom. A lot of people ditch and feel great for about an hour. Then they realize there's nothing to do. TV and food. I have ditched and gotten so bored I did homework. Figure that shit out.''

He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice.

''You have to plan things out before you take the day off. Otherwise you get all nervous worrying about what to do and all you get is grief and the point is to take it easy, cut loose and enjoy.''

He crosses to the pantry.

''You blow your day and at about three o'clock, when everybody's out of school, you're going to wish you'd gone to school so you could be out having fun.'' He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos.

''Avoid the misery. Plan your day. Do it right.'' Kurt walks into the livingroom and flops down in an armchair.

''There's A lot of pressure at work in my age group. And it's not always recognized.'' He reaches over and picks up the telephone. He sets it in his lap.

''Some guy whose hair is falling out and his stomach's hanging over his belt and everything he eats makes him fart, he looks at someone like me and thinks, "This kid's young and strong and has a full, rich future ahead of him, what's he got to bitch about?" ''

he pick up the phone and punches out the number. ''That's just one reason why I need a day off every now and then.''

ANOTHER HOUSE.  
A sleek, modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. A prime house in a prime location. A telephone rings OVER.

It's a dark, dreary sick room. Shades drawn, floor strewn with used tissues, nightstand a still-life of over the counter remedies. A high school boy, blaine anderson, is laying in bed. We don't see his face, only a silhouette with a thermometer sticking out his mouth. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY is playing. He's mumbling random words.

''Food...shelter...no...yes...'' The phone rings. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker phone button.

(weak) '' Hello?'' Blaine answers.

''blaine! What's happening?'' Kurt says over the phone.

''very little'' Blaine answers again.

''How do you feel?''

''Shredded.''

''Is your mother in the room?'' Blaine takes the thermometer out of his mouth.

''She's not home. Where are you?'' Blaine said.

''Home.''

cut to kurts' family room. Kurt is sprawled out on the chair.

''I'm taking the day off. Get dressed and come over.''

''I can't. I'm sick.''

''It's all in your head. Come on over.''

cut to blaine's room. blaine's insistent.

''I feel like complete shit, kurt. I can't go anywhere.''

''I'm sorry to hear that. Now, come on over and pick me up.''

kurt disconnects. blaine slowly hangs up the phone.

''I'm dying.'' blaine mumbles.

The phone rings again. blaine hits the speaker button.

''You're not dying. You just can't think of anything good to do.'' kurt says hanging up again.


	3. Chapter 3

**here's chapter 3! by the way, thank you for the constructive criticism and everything, i'm still learning because im fourteen so yeah, thank you very much! **

* * *

Kurt hung up. ''if anybody needs a day off, its Blaine. he has a lot of things to sort out before he graduates. he can't be wound this tight and go to college. his roommate's will kill him. I've come close myself. but i like him. he's a little easier to take when you know why he's like the way he is. the boy cannot relax. pardon my french, but if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.''

[after thought] ''and Blaine would worry that he'd owe taxes on it.''

cut to school. we hear roll call.

''albers?'' teachers voice says

''here'' boys voice says.

''anderson''

''here'' a girls voice states.

''anheiser?''

''here''

''busch?''

''here.''

''hummel?''

no answer

''hummel?''

''hes sick.'' Santana says, looking bored, ''my best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this kid who's going with a girl who saw Kurt pass out at 31 flavors last night. i guess its pretty serious.''

weary, the teacher reply ''thank you, Santana.''

''no problem whatsoever.'' she answers with mock cheeriness.

''drucker?''

''what?'' a boys voice says.

cut to kurts living room. THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. The big chase at the end.

he's sitting in the arm-chair pretending it's humongous' war wagon. he's wearing a hockey mask. he's steering. he reaches down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve.

humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. he gives it a twist.

LATER

outside a bedroom window, a flowering Crabtree branch. petit pink flowers. its Quinn's room. clothes everywhere, make-up, books, records. Kurt is sitting on her bed going through her purse.

''this is really degrading.'' he says. he finds a dollar bill. ''financing my activities this damaging to the self-image. but, hey, im broke. in times of crisis one must do what one must do. I'll pay it back. with interest.''

he finds a five.

cut to real estate office.

''No one's going to consider a house with a black living room. Not even those jerks from Vermont. Let's be realistic'' Carole says into the phone.

''mrs. volbeck's dead set against putting any money into the house.'' agent number 1 states.

Carole's phone intercom buzzes. She takes the call. ''carole hummel'' she says into the phone. Her eyes open wide with alarm.

''Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I completely forgot to call'' she says as she rubs her face.

A modern, suburban high school.

''Are you aware that your son is not in school today?'' a creepy, woman's voice says.

cut to a hallway. its a passing period. the hall is clogged with students.

''Yes, I am. Ferris is home sick. I had a meeting first thing this morning. I should have called. It completely slipped my mind.'' carole says, tired.

cut to dean's outer office. A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. We hear the dean inside the office.

''Are you also aware that kurt does not have what we consider an exemplary attendance record?''

inside the office, the sign reads 'Sue Sylvester. DEAN.' The dean's feet are up on the desk, behind the sign.

''I don't understand.''

''I just had his file up, Ms. Hummel.'' Sue said. Behind her is a computer terminal. She removes her feet from the desk and turns in her swivel chair.

''If kurt thinks he can coast this last month and still graduate, he's sorely mistaken.'' sue said, looking at the computer.

''This is all news to me.'' carole said. The monitor on Rooney's desk displays kurts' records.

''So far this semester alone, he's been absent nine times. Including today.''

''nine times?'' Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a number 2.

Sue turns to the monitor. She reads off the screen. ''I have it right here in front of me. He's missed...'' sue starts to say. He looks closer at the screen.

Cut to kurt's room. he is at his Macintosh computer. He has his record up on the screen.

''I wanted a car. I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?'' kurt says to the camera.

CUT TO CAROLE'S OFFICE. She's still on the phone with Rooney.

''I can give you every assurance that kurt is home and that he is, in fact, very ill. I debated whether or not I should even leave him. I can appreciate that at this time of year children are prone to taking the day off, but in Ferris' case, he's truly a very sick boy.'' she says, positive.

CUT TO KURT'S ROOM.

music is playing. solo guitar. We see kurt in his room with a guitar around his neck. He's playing. A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape.

CUT TO BLAINE'S ROOM. He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. He sighs deeply and falls back on the bed.

CUT TO SCHOOL HALLWAY. finn is at his locker during a passing period. A friend comes up to him.

''I'm really sorry about your brother.''

''What're you sorry for? I have to live with the trouser snake.'' he said, rolling his eyes.

''No, I mean I heard he's really sick.''

''Who said he's sick?'' finn asked her.

she shrugged, ''A whole bunch of people. They said he's like on the verge of death.''

Finn stares incredulously at the girl.

''This guy in my biology class said that if kurt dies he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's really sweet isn't he?'' she says, swooning a little. She smiles and exits. Finn cocks his head in bewilderment. he kicks his locker shut.


End file.
